You might be pleased to know that I did manage to get all of the Cool Things I Want(ed)
a few months ago. Since then, I've used the Toshiba laptop maybe once, while sitting in a laundromat, which was actually kind of fun for me.
Your Face In A Book Dot Com now knows where my journal is (because I told it).
Today, I accidentally revisited an old idea - the idea that I have been far too guarded
— by remembering that not only does it apply to me right now, but that I had already learned how to deal with it, and then eventually forgot.
In that exercise, I took an icon (or archetype) that I had assigned myself and changed its meaning or association by way of visualization. One of the reasons why this worked was because I felt that I knew the character perfectly, and could identify the part of myself with which the character resonated
, and the situations in which it would manifest.
However, the situation wasn't exactly the same as it is now; simply "locking away" my defensive side, metaphorically, worked well enough at the time, but I was still thinking in terms of walls and divisions. While that could provide a temporary solution, it doesn't transform
the defensive nature of the character with which I have now so strongly identified.
Dirk has always lived in the castle — constantly fighting, ducking, dodging, dying, reanimating, with boundless energy devoted to his task. Realistically, the castle and the dangers no longer exist.
Imagine the medieval knight as a war veteran
, still seeing a fire-breathing dragon in the campfire, or hearing the Black Knight's footsteps in every passing coach. It's almost like the guy has post-traumatic stress disorder!
So the goal here is not
to lock him up, but to set him completely free. Realize that there are no bottomless pits, only waterfalls; there are no dragons, only trees; there are no vampire bats, only birds.
Realize that the war is over and not only can you put away your sword, but you can change into some civvies and find something else to do.
The act of recognizing an unconscious thing and making it conscious, which results in making it mutable
, is an act of awakening. In theory, it is possible to be conscious of everything in your life, and this is a worthwhile pursuit. The more unconscious things you can make conscious, the more awake you can be, and the more of your life you can decide what to do with it.